I’VE JUST got back from my third tour of Finland: just under a week spent in a country which is often referred to as the happiest in the world. I can see why. I didn’t see a homeless person, or any obvious poverty, in the whole time I was there.

People are friendly, laid back, and there is a real sense of community and cohesion. Social provision is good — it is being eroded at the moment by a right-wing government, but is still miles better than here, and there is every hope than the left will return to power at the next election and repair the damage.

I loved the place, as I loved Norway — also with brilliant provision for its people since its enormous oil revenues are nationalised and used for the benefit of all. 

Ironically, the reason I toured Finland last week was as a direct result of their government’s zero-tolerance attitude to private economic criminality, in this instance in the football sphere.

Jukka and Hari, who organised my tour, are huge fans of Tampere United, their home town club. When its owners took money from dubious sources connected to match fixing and money laundering, the Finnish FA shut the club down. Just like that: a message not just to football, but to the world. Imagine that happening in the Premier League!

The Nordic countries certainly show us how to deal with economic criminals: Iceland jailed the bankers who profited from the 2008 crash while the rest of Europe let them get away with it.

The loyal fans of Tampere United started the club up again: it is now fan owned and will remain so. It was the first game of their new season, and I went to offer my support after they asked to publish a book of my poems, since part of the inspiration for their decision to start their club again themselves was we Brighton fans’ long battle to save ours. I performed my poem Don’t Tamper With Tampere over the PA to a great reception and the team then beat opponents FC Jazz (formed by the committee of a jazz festival!) 4-0.

Lovely.

Finland is a shining example to the world, concrete proof that if you limit the power of the rich and offer people economic and social security and a good work-life balance, they will vote for it.

And my gigs were really good fun. A load of familiar faces at Musta Kissa (Black Cat) bar in Helsinki, run by a very affable chap called Donny, two gigs in Tampere, one a poetry evening, the other supporting Rock Siltanen Group, Finland’s answer to Black Sabbath, and a lovely gig at 33rpm in Kokkola, described to me very accurately beforehand as “a record shop with beer.” I don’t have a huge following there, but there are enough people to make an enjoyable tour and I have got to know some real characters. Thanks to all who organised and all who came, to Harri for putting the dates together, and above all to Jukka and his wife Tajia for years of support and hospitality.

And when we got in after a gig one night my host Jukka introduced me to a unique Finnish Easter culinary phenomenon: Mämmi. 

Mämmi is a seasonal dessert traditionally made of water, rye flour, ground malted rye, salt, and dried, ground Seville orange zest, fermented and stored in boxes made of birch bark. It looks like dog diarrhoea and tastes like thick, congealed, stale Guinness. Covered in cream and sugar and eaten after five pints it is, however, strangely comforting. 

I now have a combined Swedish-Finnish menu for the delectation of future dinner guests. First course: Surströmming. This is Swedish tinned fermented herring which you have to open in a bucket of water to stop it exploding and eat in the open air because of the unbelievable smell of decomposition. Mammi as dessert. 

I love Nordic cuisine. Mämmi, we’re all cräzee now. 

Cheers everyone.