First up, a question. Did this column miss a meeting or something? Has there been some kind of vote in the last two weeks whereby the media has announced a moratorium on news?

Is it too late to have my say?

I only ask because there obviously is important stuff going on but you wouldn't think so judging by the papers and broadcast media.

One could have slipped into a narcoleptic trance last month and awakened this week none the wiser.

I mean you could understand it in the Daily Heil's case. Staff there probably wish they had been comatose for the last few weeks, or at least that a few of their hacks had, as it's become so toxic you'd need a biohazard suit even to pick the thing up, but really...

Does anyone still find themselves even remotely surprised at the latest in the interminable sting of "shock" revelation that the spooks are monitoring our emails? Did anyone really think they weren't?

Of course they bloody are, that's what they do.

Here's a quick tip. If you do happen to be planning a revolution or world domination don't put your plan on Facebook, even if it is accompanied by a picture of a smiley cat.

Secondly, do not email it to your entire address book with the subject line "the day of reckoning is nigh."

Oh, yes - and writing it in comic sans, although bloody annoying, does not constitute encryption.

And it's not just the media, they're all at it.

At a time when mass slaughter is spreading across the globe and civil liberties are being eroded faster than the white cliffs of Dover what are our politicians doing? Revisiting old rows that are well past their sell-by date.

Thus we found ourselves this week harking back to the hilarity of the Andrew Mitchell "plebgate" "scandal."

Is that still rumbling on? Well, apparently yes.

The fiasco over the finer points of bicycle access to Downing Street and whether a Tory toff went all feudal on the plod has to be the most pointless dispute since Stalin and Hitler had a "who's got the better moustache" competition.

Normally this column will pick the side of the underdog instinctively but there really isn't one here.

Basically the cops lied, or a politician lied.

Personally my money is on both of them making it up. Let's face it, if it weren't the case it would probably be the only time in history.

But now everyone's sticking their oar in. We had Home Secretary Theresa May expressing her outrage that the police would single out an individual for persecution just because of who they were.

Funny, the Tories didn't seem overly concerned when it was the Irish, black or Asian populations who were being targeted.

In fact in the '80s being in possession of an Irish accent or an Afro-Caribbean hairstyle often carried a life sentence.

Nowadays if you look a bit "Muslim" or even just have a beard and a sun tan the same applies - go straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect £200.

Equally I don't recall the Thatcher government calling foul when the cops were stitching up and battering striking miners or anti-fascist protesters.

Where the hell has May been for the last 30 years? That's ALL the police do.

The motto of the West Midlands Police was basically "if you're black get in the back."

That's why the Tories used to love them. But it would seem that when it happens to one of them that's a whole different jar of caviar.

Maybe too many of them have had their collars felt in recent years and the relationship has soured somewhat.

It's either that or they're just pissed off that the cops seem to have stolen their one concerted policy.

All of which brings us in a roundabout way to former minister for Sky Jeremy Hunt who yesterday - showing he has lost none of his knack for totally ignoring an issue for ages and then suddenly deciding it's hugely important - somewhat belatedly expressed his outrage that the elderly were not receiving proper care.

Still, you can understand why he was caught by surprise. He probably thought that due to decades of neglect they would all have been dead by now.

The fact there are still some elderly people left amounts to a serious failure in government policy.

Hunt told delegates at the National Children and Adults Services conference that entering old age "should not involve waving goodbye to one's dignity."

No, it should mean waving goodbye to your pension, your winter fuel allowance and your home if you have more than one bedroom.