Royal Mint, National Debt: The Shocking Truth About The Royal Finances
Norman Baker, Biteback, £22

IF ever a book should come with a public health warning this is it! Either that or the reader should prepare to have a sick bucket nearby and a large quantity of Rennies to be consumed after they have finished it.

Baker follows up to his forensic study of the royal finances, And What Do You Do?, by going even deeper into where the money comes from, how it is used, and how the royals lobby governments and the media for maximum profit. It is all here in sordid detail. How the NHS and charities pay them to use Duchy-controlled land, and how they increase their profits by mixing with crooks and other dubious individuals.

Yes, Andrew Mountbatten Windsor and Sarah Ferguson are here. By the time you have finished Chapter 8, Andrew’s Unsavoury Circle, you might find a Rennie will come in handy to quell the rising heartburn and flux you will undoubtably feel.

What I found most interesting in this book was the chapter on the Sovereign Wealth Fund. It shows clearly how monarchs go about reducing parliamentary and public scrutiny of their financial dealings. In 2025 the royal settlement for the year ahead was a 53 per cent increase in funding for the royals. This bitter pill was sugared by the decision to axe the royal train. “King cuts back on bills” screamed the headlines! In fact, as Baker points out this was not a saving at all as the royals were to benefit from two new “carbon-busting” helicopters that vary in price between £150,000 and £500,000. As Baker states: “Expect the royals to plump for something at the top end as they are not paying.”

In Chapter 9, Upstairs, Downstairs, Baker lists the ludicrous lifestyle hidden from the public. The fact that Queen Elizabeth II needed ten servants to serve her afternoon tea; the sandwiches having to be cut in certain ways so that they had no corners on them; that King Charles must have several eggs boiled for his breakfast so that he can have the perfect one to suit his preference at the time; the unspeakable Andrew calling a maid up four flights of stairs to open his curtains. Curtains he was sitting right next to.

But wait! I hear you ask. Isn’t William going to slim down the monarchy? All this is made clear in Chapter 3, Mercenary Duchies, and Chapter 12, A New Beginning, where Baker shows that things have got worse “in terms of the vast sums of public money now being directed to this, one of the richest families in the country.”

So the next time the media deems fit to present a future king, with family, in a field of daffodils, or the king raising a glass of stout towards us: remember, they are not smiling. They are laughing at us. Laughing all the way to the bank.