Transsexual Apostate: My Journey Back to Reality
Debbie Hayton, Swift Press, £16.99

DEBBIE HAYTON has been a prominent figure in the fraught debates about gender identity that have permeated British society over the last few years. In this book, Hayton provides a fascinating insight into his own experience as a transsexual male and a clear-sighted appraisal of the social consequences of allowing people, particularly men, to change their sex in law.

Growing up, Hayton attests to feeling different, wanting to be a girl and, bizarrely, coveting his mother’s tights. For years, Hayton secretly hoarded and then threw away items of female clothing, engendering both shame and confusion. Hayton describes the act of repression this involved as akin to keeping a beach ball below water.

Hayton never doubted that he was a heterosexual male and at university he met and married Stephanie, a fellow physicist. Initially, Hayton didn’t discuss his condition with Stephanie and the couple had three children together. However, by his mid-40s the desire to transition became overwhelming and he finally told Stephanie.

Unsurprisingly, like many so-called “trans wives,” Stephanie was shocked and hurt, not only by the revelation but by the secrecy Hayton had maintained. Nevertheless, the couple are still together — “best friends” in Hayton’s words — and, in the book’s epilogue, Stephanie provides a valuable alternative perspective on the impact of her husband’s transition on herself and their children.

Hayton underwent gender reassignment surgery in 2016 and describes in matter-of-fact terms the pain and complications that accompanied it. At the time he believed that he was a woman trapped in a man’s body and subscribed to the emerging discourse that “trans women are women.”

Hayton now subscribes to Ray Blanchard’s theory that male transsexuals are either homosexuals seeking to make themselves more feminine to attract male partners or heterosexual males with a psychological condition he labelled “autogynephilia.”

Hayton admits that what drives him is the male sex drive and the desire to see oneself as a woman and have others perceive one as such. While Queer theorists and trans activists see Blanchard’s work as outdated, it seems to describe well Hayton’s experience and that of many heterosexual men who transition in middle age.

Hayton acknowledges that this is very different from the causes of female transgenderism and the claiming of non-binary identities. These are less likely to be sexually motivated and often stem from a desire to escape highly sexualised forms of femininity.

On the issue of pronouns, Hayton says: “I refuse to declare them” and doesn’t mind what pronouns people use.  

An interesting aspect of this book is the fact that Hayton’s transition coincided with a sea change in ideas about the meanings of sex and gender. In 2015 Stonewall, the main advocacy group for lesbians and gay men, officially adopted the “T.” Since lesbians and gay men had won the right to marry in 2013, there was, as Hayton states, a perceived need for a new cause: “transgender inclusion” was it.

Encouraged by Stonewall and others, governments in the Western world began to adopt what became known as “self-ID,” a policy whereby anyone can identify as the opposite sex, or no sex in the case of non-binary identities. As Hayton states, this had implications not only for lesbians and gay men as same-sex attracted people but also for women and children whose rights and boundaries it eroded.

A turning point came in 2016 when Hayton began to hear gender critical viewpoints and found himself increasingly agreeing with them. Hayton mentions Magdalene Berns, Stephanie Davies-Arai and fellow transsexual Miranda Yardley as influential. Hayton began writing and publishing on gender issues, including for this paper, calling for reasoned debate and respect for everyone’s rights.

Another key section of the book deals with Hayton’s experience in the trade union movement. A longstanding NASUWT rep, in 2015 Hayton was elected to the TUC LGBT+ committee. Hayton saw his remit as working to improve the rights of trans people and campaigning against discrimination and unfair treatment at work.

However, Hayton came into conflict with others on the committee when he spoke out against self-ID. Things came to a head at TUC Congress in 2018 when Hayton argued against the controversial Motion 41, arguing that gender self-identification was unhelpful.

As Hayton eloquently states: “Those chain-makers and Ford workers of earlier generations had been exploited not because they felt like women but because they were women. It was not an oppression that anyone could identify out of – not then and not now.”

There has been a cost to pay for apostasy: Hayton was subject to a campaign of bullying and harassment, and a disciplinary investigation by the TUC. In 2022, Hayton passed up the opportunity to become president of the NASUWT after it adopted a policy of self-ID. It seems ironic that the movement established to protect the rights of workers should facilitate the exclusion of its own members and activists.

In answer to the question of how to balance the rights of different groups, Hayton advocates third spaces such as single use toilets and changing facilities: “Inclusion should not imply the right to access other people’s spaces, but the right to be included and treated no less favourably.”

At one point in the book Hayton asks: “If I had known in 2012 what I know now, would I have transitioned? In short, the answer is no. I turned my life, and my family’s lives, upside down because I thought I was some kind of woman.” Nevertheless, Hayton has no regrets, because he feels more comfortable now, has gained insight into his own condition and become more aware of wider gender issues in the process.  

Apropos the book’s title, Hayton has come to realise that “it’s far better to be a transsexual apostate grounded in reality than a follower of [gender identity] ideology.” Hayton’s is a voice that is well worth listening to on this far-reaching and contentious topic.