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Dear parent/custodial guardian/ scholarship-scrounging parasite,

As Headmaster at Judas College, sixth form to the Westminster Academy, twinned with Our Blessed Margaret Elementary School for Girls, it is my pleasure to be addressing you on this auspicious occasion.

First, let me welcome you to this twice termly newsletter cum pupil progress report. There have been queries from some quarters as to why such missives do not wing their way to you the parents and donors on a more frequent basis.

This is for two main reasons — there has been no progress, of progress there has been none.

The 95th Anniversary Appeal
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