A LOVELY time was had last weekend co-organising Alive at the Barn Festival in my home village of Southwick — thanks to all who came and all who played, a healthy sum was raised for Community Association funds and well done to co-organisers Jayne and Mel. 

If you thought I was having a break after that, you couldn’t be more wrong. Next weekend sees the brill Rebellion punk festival at Blackpool Winter Gardens, eulogised sufficiently on these pages already, and then I’m up to Edinburgh taking four different shows to the PBH Free Fringe! 

In 1991 my nutty co-conspirator John Otway and I wrote a silly but poignant epic, Cheryl — A Rock Opera. It combines Geoffrey Chaucer and Monty Python in equal measure and is an everyday story of Satanism, trainspotting, drug abuse and unrequited love. It was, believe it or not, a big hit at the Fringe that year. We’re reviving it there for its 35th anniversary with five shows at Bannerman’s Bar between August 11-15 and before that performing it in the Blackpool Opera House, part of the Winter Gardens, at Rebellion. How fitting is that?

I’m also doing three other shows at Edinburgh — my poetry one at Bannerman’s, my Early Music Show at St. Cecilia’s Hall (for the fifth consecutive year — I’m honoured) and a gig in a sauna, a perfect fit for a poet whose most recent book is called Fiery Words For Hellish Times. Only 10 minutes, that one, I’m happy to say. All details in the Fringe programme. 

We on the left are notorious for our splits and factions, but at last we have found someone to unite us! And I don’t mean Andy Burnham, sadly: though he’s a vast improvement on his predecessor he still provides plenty of reasons for some people to declare him unacceptable. I’m talking Count Binface. He hasn’t just united the left, he’s united everyone with a functioning cerebellum. 

And next Wednesday Binface Dub, my contribution to his Clacton election campaign, is released on all streaming platforms (look at me, down with the kids) and can be pre-saved at cherryred.co/BinfaceDub.

It’s a collaboration with AltDubLab (my lovely stepson Pat) and goes like this:

“Check out Farage and the trouble he’s in/ Up against a man who dresses as a bin/ It’ll be hilarious if he doesn’t win/ The dustbin of history is what he’ll be in/ Vote Binface — put Farage in his place/ Vote Binface in a two horse race/ Vote Binface, end Clacton’s disgrace/ Turn out for the Count and get rid of knob face!”

If you use streaming, put it on repeat next Wednesday and let’s get it in the charts! 

And finally: what Burnham said about vocational training being as important and vital to society as academic education is absolutely spot on and resonated hugely with me. I have always been utterly useless at practical stuff, had total respect for those skilled at it, and angered by the fact that those skills are regarded in some quarters as less valuable than academic ones.

We need to train a whole new generation of artisans. 

NO SUCH THING AS SOCIETY?

We’re all different.
I marvel at the skill of the plasterer:
If I tried, I’d get plastered.
DIY?
Destroy It Yourself.
I write with ease
but post with difficulty.
HTTP?
Hopeless, Technology-Transfixed Pterodactyl.
I can’t fix a picture
to a wall:
my fingers can dance over strings
but throb under a hammer.
As for car maintenance
or even changing a bicycle tyre…
forget it.
I won’t even start on the medical profession.
“Society” means
we do the things we’re good at
and pay others to do what they are good at
and a fair society
is one where this is part
of the natural order of things
and each is a valued and equal
part of the whole.
I still hate Thatcher
for what she did to that.
And everything else. 

Enjoy the summer. 

For further info please visit facebook https://www.facebook.com/attilathestockbroker and/or bandcamp https://attilathestockbroker.bandcamp.com/merch.