MY WIFE Robina went to see The Magic Flute at Covent Garden Opera House last Tuesday afternoon. I travelled up with her and spent a happy and frankly rather beer-sodden day visiting my old early ’80s haunts nearby, reminiscing about my days freelancing for Sounds music magazine and hanging around as a performer and audience member at gigs in Covent Garden and Soho, especially at the legendary Marquee — where I once filled in for Donny Osmond! 
 
I started my nostalgic trip next door to Covent Garden Tube at 40 Long Acre, the site of the old Spotlight Publications office, where Sounds and Record Mirror shared adjacent floors: I remember standing at the water cooler being admonished for my punky musical tastes by Record Mirror journo and soon to be Pet Shop Boy Neil Tennant. 

Then I wandered round the corner to the White Lion pub where I used to interview bands — and, five pints later, stagger back to the office to type up my flowing prose. And then to the site of the legendary Marquee Club at 90 Wardour St, bringing back memories of one of the most surreal gigs I have ever done. 
 
A Monday in January 1991. Phone rings. Can’t remember the bloke’s name after all these years, but the conversation is still vivid.

“Is that Attila?” 

“Hi, I book shows for the Marquee. Donny Osmond is supposed to be playing here tomorrow night, but he’s pulled out. We don’t want to shut the venue for the night, and we’re looking for someone to do a set. Would you be interested? We’ll pay you and give you as much beer as you want and as big a guest list as you like.”

I burst out laughing. “Well, I think I know the first verse of ‘Puppy Love’ — sure, I’ll give it a go!”

The deal was simple — everyone who had booked to see Donny got a refund and the chance to watch Attila the Stockbroker for free. I had one day to ring round as many people I knew as possible and tell them that I was Donny Osmond’s understudy at the Marquee the following night, and there was free beer for anyone who made it along! 

Unfortunately this was, of course, way before the advent of social media, so I couldn’t put an event page on Facebook. I certainly will if it ever happens again.

The gig was sold out. About a third of the audience decided to take up the Marquee’s offer, which meant that I was confronted with a fairly large number of very disappointed ladies in their mid 30s, plus a smattering of male partners, several of whom came up and told me that they were very pleased at the prospect of spending an evening listening to Attila rather than Donny. About 20 Attila fans turned up and got the promised free beer. I started my set: by the end of the first 15 minutes half the Donny fans had walked out. 

But the rest of them really enjoyed it. I got an encore. Yes, you’ve guessed it. I’d worked out the chords to Puppy Love on the mandola, and memorised most of the words. The rest is history. Never to be repeated history, mind, but history nevertheless.

Sometimes a bit of nostalgia helps you cope with reality.

Five gigs up North with my early music punk band Barnstormer 1649 this week, celebrating our 30th anniversary with sterling support from Blyth Power and Indignation Meeting. Hope to see some of you there!

For further info please visit https://www.facebook.com/attilathestockbroker and/or https://attilathestockbroker.bandcamp.com/merch