POLICE across the country have been inundated with anxious calls this week, boroughs missing their bigot quotients, villages bereft of idiots.

It looked set to be a mystery for the ages until Paul Nuttall popped up on the radio like a particularly unwelcome turd in a children’s swimming pool and suddenly the veils were parted.

Yes it could mean only one thing — the annual numpty-fest that is the Ukip conference is once again in full swing.