AS THE exodus of Tory MPs gathers pace, how will our former overseers now spend their time, when not enabled by their prior position to secure lucrative side hustles they had once enjoyed so heartily?

Even without the prestige (such as it is) of being an MP, there are plenty of opportunities out there for money-hungry Conservative has-beens, although the sheer number of them on the streets may now see a severe curtailment of post-parliamentary goodies.

But for the better known evacuees, there will be the consolation of well-paid speaking engagements, advisory/lobbying consultancies, museum board appointments, foreign-funded politicking, and the founding of dubious cash-cow “charitable” status political foundations.

And some will undoubtedly follow in the path of such political giants as Lee Anderson and Anne Widdecombe and defect to the harder-right Reform party, or perhaps lead their own splinter groups, such as Neil “Cash-For-Questions” Hamilton and Ukip.

Further afield, acting was a choice for disgraced former minister Bernard Tapie in France and Watergate Republican minority counsel Fred Thompson in the US; maybe something for “cry-on-demand” Matt Hancock, performative rent-a-gob Nadine Dorries, or creepy Vulcan simulacrum John Redwood to consider? 

Of course, for “top” talent such as Boris Johnson, GB News currently remains a go-to place to fill up one’s coffers, although the notoriously bone idle former PM has yet to shift himself to begin the gig — seven months after it was announced.

Johnson, of course, is an apparent student of Roman history, which has had some very interesting lessons regarding political figures who (voluntarily or not) withdrew from the political fray.

So, for pols sick of the struggle, amongst the most interesting Roman retirees:

Cicero (106-43 BC)

The famously gabby orator withdrew to write after refusing to become Caesar’s full-time spokesman, and he seemed to enjoy it, but after the dictator’s murder he was tempted back into the fray. Which resulted in his beheading by Mark Antony’s assassins; Cicero had executed without trial MA’s stepfather, so an element of personal, as well as political, point-settling there.

Lesson — stay retired?

Ovid (43 BC-17 AD)

The cheeky poet was exiled to the end of his days by Augustus to a dreary Black Sea port for his naughty verses. I guess the equivalent today would be right-wing “jester” Dominic Frisby sent to a Maunsell North Sea Fort for the rest of his natural days.

Tiberius (42 BC-37 AD)

Tiberius had two retirements — first when he was sent to Rhodes when publicly annoyed by Augustus for using him to clean up the empire’s messes without sufficient praise.

Second, as emperor, when he decamped to Capri to indulge himself with a selected group of philosophers, mystics and perverts.

According to scurrilous rumour, he certainly achieved his debauched aim. Until he was suffocated with a pillow by his great-nephew, emperor-to-be Caligula’s thuggish henchman Macro.

Seneca (4 BC-65 AD)

The smart-arsed Stoic who retired to his estates when Nero no longer wanted his advice. Implicated (probably falsely) in a plot to overthrow and kill the alleged Mother-Lover, Seneca was forced to commit suicide in a fashion that inspired Godfather II’s rasply-voiced mobster Frank Pentangeli's farewell.

Vitellius (15-69 AD)

By all reports a cruel, avaricious glutton, the reign of emperor Vitellius lasted just eight months, and would have ended sooner if he had been allowed to follow his desire and retire in favour of conquering challenger Vespasian.

But the Praetorian Guards refused to let him toddle off, so the hated Vitellius was torn apart by the Roman mob on the Gemonian stairs, where his last words were said to be, “Yet I was once your emperor.”

Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)

Statesman, naturalist, philosopher and part-time admiral, the comfortably retired Pliny’s scientific curiosity got the better of him when investigating the eruption of Mount Vesuvius.

Maximian (250-310 AD)

Burly co-emperor and military muscle for colleague imperial Diocletian (below), Maximian made the error of coming out of retirement not once, but twice. Firstly against his son Maxentius, then Constantine. His career ended in suicide. 

Diocletian (244-311 AD)

The only Roman emperor to peacefully retire. After a final failed attempt at expunging Christianity, Diocletian decamped to grow vegetables in his fortified palace at Split in Yugoslavia, only once leaving its luxury to sort out a heated dispute among his squabbling successors.

Romulus Augustulus (460-507? AD)

The final Roman emperor of the West — the child ruler derisively named “Little Augustus.” He bore the name of the founder of Rome and its very first emperor, but was booted out by the Visigoths after less than a year.

Unusually, apparently because of his youth and relative innocence, Romulus was given a pension and allowed to retire to a palatial estate near Naples. 

Nice non-work, if you can get it.