THE letter below has fallen exclusively into the hands of the Morning Star. As we are unable to vouch for its authenticity, we must leave that to the judgement of our highly discerning readership.

Dear Sir Keir,

Please forgive the informal and even familiar way in which we address you, but we trust you will understand the spirit of gratitude in which we write.

In no small measure, it is thanks to you and your government that our respective parties — despite being divided on many issues — share common ground in attracting so much extra support over the past 12 months.

Your prioritisation of extra military spending at the expense of social benefits for the elderly and disabled, combined with the halving of aid to the poor and uneducated in the Third World, immediately rendered a million or two traditional Labour voters politically homeless — to the benefit of ourselves.

In particular, your decision to slash entitlements to Winter Fuel Allowance has, at a stroke, driven many desperate pensioners to look to alternative parties for protection and relief over the winters to come. Indeed, you made such a “difficult” decision look rather easy.

By maintaining the two-child benefit cap, you again demonstrated that toughness that will send countless large and poor families in our direction.

Your absolute priority from day one to boost Britain’s economic growth has left us teetering on the edge of recession ever since, further improving the prospects of our parties in the May 2026 elections. The Scottish and Welsh nationalist parties have special reason to thank you for your courageous decision to concentrate capital and R&D investment in the Home Counties and the Oxford-Cambridge corridor. This will bring extra benefits to the SNP and Plaid Cymru, if not at all to the peoples of those two countries.

Likewise, your steadfast loyalty to the City of London and the arms corporations should produce yet more financial rewards for the Labour Party centrally, nobly sacrificing Labour support in its traditionally “left-behind” heartlands.

Your government’s principled refusal to interfere with the sacred laws of the market, especially when it comes to energy, housing, food and transport costs, will doubtless increase your party’s votes in company boardrooms, leaving the rest of us to compete for the votes of those residual millions grappling desperately with the cost of living.

The overall result of these and other measures might save extra costs for the NHS and social care providers in the future, as more of the poor and elderly enjoy a lower life expectancy.

Between Chancellor Reeves and yourself, you are ensuring that sufficient funds are now available to double military spending, expand Britain’s nuclear arsenal and prolong the Ukraine war, all without the need to tax the wealthy and big business.

Again, we can but express our gratitude at your readiness to “put country before party,” especially when that party is your own.

Your Enoch Powell impression has also helped send left-wing, progressive and black and ethnic minority electors in our direction, while Mr Farage is especially grateful for your support for his anti-asylum-seekers agenda.

But nothing demonstrates your selfless courageous leadership more than your endorsement of Israel’s right to starve the Palestinian people of food, water, electricity and shelter while massacring them with the aid of British-supplied weapons and aerial intelligence. This should ensure that millions of decent people across the political spectrum will never vote for you again. Of course, one of our co-signatories wishes to reserve his position on this matter.

May we wish you God speed in your dogged determination to see these and other policies through to the end ... of the Labour Party.

Yours sincerely,

Ed Davey (Liberal Democrats)
John Swinney (SNP)
Liz Saville Roberts (Plaid Cymru)
Nigel Farage (Reform UK)
Joint leaders (Green Party)