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Domestic violence during the Covid-19 lockdown
Working with men who carry out domestic violence, LUKE DANIELS sounds the alarm on the spike in cases as couples are forced indoors due to the pandemic

ACTIVISTS warned that there would be an increase of domestic violence with the lockdown.

None could have predicted it would be this bad, with a jump from two to five women killed every week since the lockdown began.

Refuge, the largest domestic abuse charity, reported a 700 per cent increase in calls to its helpline, and a 25 per cent increase to a separate helpline for perpetrators seeking help.

The panicked attempts by the government to deal with the domestic violence pandemic need not be happening.

The United Nations has been saying for more than 40 years that one-third of women — roughly 1.3 billion — can expect to face abuse at some point in their lives.

The figures of 30,000 deaths worldwide in 2017 may not match the 300,000 deaths so far caused by the deadly Covid-19, but the deaths of 30,000 women annually over 40 years is equivalent to 1,200,000 women killed.

It is instructional to observe the differing responses to the two pandemics in Britain.

Unlimited sums thrown at Covid-19 by the government, while rock stars line up to raise money for desperate refuges, as the government throws scraps at them.

The approach could not be starker as scientists vie to find a cause and cure for the deadly Covid-19 while domestic violence remains in the dark as far as cause and cure are concerned, and this despite generations of campaigns to end the violence.

As far as we know there are no government teams working to identify causes much less cures for the recorded 1,316,800 domestic abuse-related incidents last year.

The only solution government has pursued is long and longer prison sentences for perpetrators, together with support for refuges — despite no signs that this approach is working and, indeed, warnings that it is not.

Putting a plaster on the problem of domestic violence will never deliver results.

What is needed is a scientific approach that looks at theory and practice to tackle the problem — mainly one of men.

The solution to ending domestic violence is to work with the perpetrators to stop the abuse. This is what most survivors call for, rather than imprisonment for their partners.

After working with perpetrators of domestic violence for five years at the Everyman Centre in London, I know that most men who abuse women have been mistreated as children, with most having witnessed domestic violence.

Most perpetrators have sexist conditioning that leaves them believing they should be in charge of “their” woman.

Most struggle with learnt “controlling behaviour” patterns, but at the root of domestic violence is patriarchal society. This is what governments are reluctant to confront.

Perpetrators need counselling to stop their violence; in the meantime, keeping their partner safe in a Covid-19 lockdown situation by using the “six-foot rule” can help.

How this works is that perpetrator and survivor need to agree to keep a distance of six feet apart, if a heated argument develops.

You decide this course of action when the situation is calm, and either partner can activate the six-foot rule by calling for it.

You keep your distance for a cooling-off period of, say, 20 minutes. You decide between you and your partner how much time you think is needed. Perpetrators can take a walk to help clear their head.

No alcohol or mind-altering substance is to be taken. If you are the perpetrator think about what triggers your abuse and think of ways to avoid them.

Try talking with a friend about anything that causes upset, until you can seek professional help.

There are a few projects for perpetrators dotted around the country, though many more are needed. Survivors can call a number of organisations for support. They should not keep silent about the abuse.

Perpetrators seeking help to stop their abuse can call the Respect helpline on 0808 802-4040 which is open Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm. Respect can also be reached by email at: info@respectphoneline.org.uk.

Survivors can call the police on 999, or the freephone National Domestic Violence Helpline is open 24 hours on 0808 200-0247.

Luke Daniels is the author of the self-help book Pulling The Punches: Defeating Domestic Violence and of Defeating Domestic Violence in the Americas — Men’s Work.

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