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The columnists’ hypotheticals
By Steve Pottinger

what if doormats were suddenly sentient?
what if elephants nested in trees?
what if your gran was a Toblerone?
what if locomotives had knees?

what if Tuesday was really a Welsh cake?
what if the Atlantic were slices of toast?
what if the King were a Dalek?
what if the M42 were a ghost?

what if snakes could be worn as neckties?
what if pasta was made out of lead?
what if childbirth was just like a train strike?
what if you had feet on the top of your head?

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