CONTINUING with last week’s theme of dubious types giving up the fags — or, in this case, cigars and being lauded for their misdeeds — much has been made of the mythical Churchillian spirit in recent days with the 50th anniversary of his state interment.

It was an occasion which seemingly allowed politicians of all stripes to attempt to nail their colours to his rotting mast.

The Tories of course have been all over it like flies on excrement, boasting about being the rightful inheritors of his political mantle.

At a ceremony in Parliament Cameron claimed that: “Britain was so incredibly fortunate that in our hour of greatest need, there came forward one of our greatest ever statesmen. Fifty years on the light has not dimmed.”

He went on to praise Churchill’s courage, conveniently neglecting to mention that much of it was of the “Dutch” variety, saying the leader “was confident that freedom and democracy would win out over barbarism and tyranny in the end.”

This would be the same Churchill who in the 1920s proposed the gassing of the Kurds, saying: “I do not understand this squeamishness about the use of gas. I am strongly in favour of using poisoned gas against uncivilised tribes.”

“The moral effect should be so good that the loss of life should be reduced to a minimum. It is not necessary to use only the most deadly gasses: gasses can be used which cause great inconvenience and would spread a lively terror and yet would leave no serious permanent effects on most of those affected.”

So much for his belief in freedom and democracy.

I seem to recall that when Saddam Hussein had a similar idea it was rightly described as an act of genocide.

In 1937 Churchill also said of a certain Adolf Hitler: “If our country were defeated I hope we should find a champion as indomitable to restore our courage and lead us back to our place among the nations.”

Not quite the implacable opponent of fascism some would have you believe…

Cameron also praised the less talked-of aspects of Churchill’s life: “This was the man who pushed for prison reform, championed old age pensions and introduced labour exchanges for the unemployed,” he blathered.

Hmmm. So would that be the prison system that Chris Grayling has run into the ground and returned to Victorian levels of squalour and repression, the pension system that the Tories have wrecked and the jobcentres they’re closing even as the levels of unemployment spiral ever higher?

If that’s how they treat a legacy you wouldn’t want them to go into the probate business. You find out you’d bequeathed your house to the billionaires’ benevolent fund and your kids were out on the street.

Actually, that’s already happened hasn’t it?

Under this shower an Englishman’s home is indeed his castle — one that’s permanently under siege. Unless, of course, it really is a castle.

Despite appearances to the contrary, Cameron and Churchill do have one or two things in common.

The latter dabbled in journalism, the former in its evil twin, PR. Both came from incredibly affluent backgrounds and never had to work for anything in their lives. Both got into bed with the Liberals before showing their true colours and veering wildly to the right.

Having said all that, at least Churchill was interesting and God knows we could do with a bit more of that. These days it’s not so much “we will fight them on the beaches” as “we will squabble on the benches.” As the lumbering election machine continues its glacial progress towards the May 7 finishing post, they’ve even managed to take the fun out of that.

It’s difficult to know whether amid the mounting despair, terminal ennui and stultifying tedium there will be anyone left willing to cast their ballot for any of them.

And it’s not just the Tories.

Ed Miliband is in danger of making Kinnock look like a wild-eyed radical with his pusillanimous failure to come up with anything that might actually be construed as a true Labour policy.

This is a Labour leader fighting an election against one of the most reviled governments in recent history, run by millionaire psychopaths openly intent on brutalising the needy and he still can’t get anyone to like him.

That takes some doing. It’s as if he blundered into a charisma vacuum as a child and decided he liked it.

When every man and his dog, apart from the usual Blairite backstabbers, is urging him to turn to the left Miliband is like a toddler with the stabilisers still on peddling straight towards a brick wall.

Shadow chancellor Ed Balls this week moved to assure big business that they had nothing to fear if Labour got into power.

Somehow I don’t think they were exactly quaking in their boots anyway but it shows where his priorities lie.

This election should be a penalty kick for Labour. In fact not just a penalty kick but one where the keeper is too busy counting his wages to even bother getting between the posts. Yet somehow Miliband has yet again contrived to scuff it into the long grass.

Christ, it’s not rocket science. All they have to do is turn round to the rich and say: “Right, anything over a certain amount, we’re going to tax you and we’re not taking about a wishy-washy 50p rate, this will be 100 per cent. If you don’t like it you can leave the country if you want, but your money’s staying here.”

But sadly, I fear I’ve got more chance of seeing the Chilcot report before I pick up my state pension than that ever happening.